Being Self-Righteous

Self-righteousness is the quality or state of being self-righteous. To be self-righteous is to be convinced of one's own righteousness, especially in contrast with the actions and beliefs of others –to be narrow-mindedly moralistic. Let us try our best not be so self-righteous, always believing that we are always right and that anyone and everyone who doesn’t see it our way or agree with us is wrong. Even if we believe we are right, let us have an open mind, let us listen to the points of view of others, what makes others who they are. Maybe even trying to analyze why they are the way they are, why they believe what they believe. Let us consider that they may have been raised in a certain environment and were highly influenced by their parents, by their families, by their schools, by their neighbors, etc. It’s always alright to agree to disagree. 

We must focus on “common ground.” If we dwell on all the ways someone is different from us, we might end up feeling like we're better than them. Instead, let’s try to find all the ways we're alike, trying to find that common ground – how are we alike? Concentrating in our similarities rather than in our differences. When we feel like someone is “on our team,” even in a small way, we're less likely to feel self-righteous towards them. After all, we are not perfect, no one is!

It is interesting that in Christianity self-righteousness is considered a sin, yet it’s hard for people to see it – to see that they’re being self-righteous; which can happen to all of us, it’s truly a challenge! People that follow a leader that is him/herself self-righteous (leaders that believe they’re always right) are usually self-righteous themselves. Those who follow someone or a movement or a particular party or a specific credo (religion, belief, etc.) can find themselves believing that they don’t have a choice, they cannot contradict the followers or the leader, and whatever they say goes. It’s easier for them to believe everything the “adored” leader or person of influence is saying (whether that person is a pastor, a priest, a rabbi, a guru, a boss, a teacher, a politician, a president, a parent, etc.). It’s easier because they don’t have to think too much. Their general attitude is, let’s allow others to do the thinking for us. We are not supposed to be judgmental, and yet, it’s easy to be just that. We are supposed to see the good in everyone, and in my opinion, it’s a very selfish stand to be self-righteous. It’s like saying “only my morals and beliefs are right, your beliefs don’t count, they don’t matter to me.” We have to learn to be more mindful and recognize those times when we’re being self-righteous and judgmental. We also have to learn to be forgiving of others, especially those who are so self-righteous. Learning to be a forgiving person will set us free.

The following are the signs of a self-righteous person: 

1. Close-Mindedness — A person who is self-righteous is a close-minded person. This is when it’s hard for us to open our minds to new ideas, new beliefs, proven scientific knowledge, etc. We believe what we believe and that’s it! We won’t listen to anyone else or to reason. We are a bit or very stubborn. We won't even contemplate the possibility that we might be wrong.

2. Believing that We Know It All — even when we lack knowledge, and are not willing to learn. 

3. Lack of Love, Kindness and Compassion for Others — even when we believe otherwise. If they don’t agree with us, we don’t love them, we don’t care for them. It’s like saying, “we only care for ourselves and our tribes, our party, our family, our group, etc.” 

4. Lack of Understanding — they simply cannot understand how others feel. They cannot get in someone else’s shoes or head. It’s incomprehensible for them to understand how others feel or why others believe what they believe. They lack empathy.

5. Following Someone Else Blindly — because we believe they are always right no matter what. When we believe the person that we follow is right and they can do no wrong. We need to learn to be more discerning.

 “Wise people store up knowledge, but the mouth of the foolish is near destruction.”

or

“The wise store up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool invites ruin.” (Proverbs 10:14) 

 “The first greatest commandment is to love God, and the second is to love others.” 

(Matthew 22:35-40) 

Self-righteous individuals will see themselves as already at the epitome of good behavior, and they find power in numbers (the more people they have around them that believe what they believe, empowers them). They will create strife and dissension in their relationships, because they truly believe they’re always right, they don’t agree with the opinions of others and that is that! It’s easy for them to brag, to openly express their opinions (even if they know they’re hurting or upsetting others – remember? It’s hard for them to be loving, kind and compassionate). Others may be afraid or concerned about expressing their own opinions around them (they prefer to avoid getting hurt). It is certainly a challenge to be righteous and not self-righteous. Even the Talmud teaches us what genuine piety is: the love of God, humility, the assumption of personal responsibility and commitment to truth, willingness to learn from others; that our egos must not get in the way of our service to God; that we must never feel that we have everything right and are always right; that we must be honest enough to admit our failings. Many people have forgotten the Christian and Jewish teachings, the lessons of love and the importance of love. 

Let us try our best not to be so hard on others or so hard on ourselves. We are all at a different stage of development. We have learned different things throughout our lives, many lessons (life is like a school, we come to this world to learn lessons and grow spiritually). Let us try our best to open our eyes and minds, to be aware of what we feel is the right thing to do – not to hurt others with words and actions, pretending we know everything, and lying because others do it too. Let us learn to listen and find common ground. Even if you don’t see my way, it’s OK. We can still get along... We MUST learn to get along! I always remember a great quote by Maya Angelou: "People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel."