"The Mastery of Love"

One of my favorite books is "The Mastery of Love" by Don Miguel Ruiz (I highly recommend it). It is truly one of those "must read" books - a practical guide to the Art of Relationships (not an easy art to master). In fact, it may be one of the most difficult arts to master in our lifetime, and most of us need all the help we can get in this area. We read and hear everywhere about failed marriages and relationships; about some of the terrible things people do to other fellow human beings, regardless of race, color, origin, nationality, religion, etc. Parents abusing children, men abusing women, women abusing men... wars, hate, crime - lack of love. A world consumed with "fear."

We're approaching February, the month when we celebrate "love" and "friendship" - Valentine's Day. A very special month for us - we celebrate our Wedding Anniversary (23rd), and my birthday (besides Valentine's Day...) We usually go to our favorite Mexican Restaurant with the best Margaritas in the world - in my opinion - "Tequila's", http://www.tequilasphilly.com/ (I'm not a drinker, but I do love those Margaritas!) Great food, great ambiance, great place! Check it out if you can! So this coming month, especially, we must think (maybe just a little bit) about the importance of LOVE and friendship, and the importance of learning to love and appreciate ourselves.

Don Miguel Ruiz wrote: "Happiness never comes from outside of us." We cannot depend on others to make us happy. We have to make ourselves happy first, to be happy and to make others happy. In other words, we are responsible for our happiness. If we enter a relationship expecting the other person to make us happy, we're asking too much! "If you take your happiness and put it in someone's hands, sooner or later, she/he is going to break it. If you give your happiness to someone else, she/he can always take it away. Then, if happiness can only come from inside of you and is the result of your love, you are responsible for your happiness." Powerful words, powerful advice!

He also writes: "We can never make anyone responsible for our own happiness... It doesn't matter how much you love someone, you are never going to be what that person wants you to be."

When we base our happiness on others and make promises we simply cannot keep, we are setting ourselves up for failure. The myth of the "right person," "prince charming," or "princess charming" is just that, a MYTH. We have to become the right person first! In order to have healthy, loving, fulfilling relationships with others, we have to be the best that we can be. Our insecurities, our low self-esteem, our baggage is definitely going to affect our relationships with others (friends, partners, spouses, significant others).

The most difficult challenge in life is that, to learn to love ourselves first, in order to be able to love others then.

"Love has no obligations. Fear is full of obligations."

"Love has no expectations. Fear is full of expectations."

"Love is based on respect. Fear doesn't respect anything, including itself."

"Love is full of compassion. Fear is full of pity."

"Love is completely responsible. Fear avoids responsibility."

(Every human being is completely responsible for her/his actions, whether she/he wants to be responsible or not.)

"Love is ALWAYS kind. Fear is always unkind."

(Anger is nothing but FEAR with a mask.)

"Love is unconditional. Fear is full of conditions."

Don't ever be in a relationship just because you feel that you have to - be in a relationship because you want to. You feel free, you can be yourself, you can dream... you have no fear; you just love without conditions, without expectations, without judgments; and honesty, respect and open communication are the main ingredients.

"The only way to master love is to practice love. Practice creates the master."

And of course my hero of all times is Leo Buscaglia. He taught, breathed and spoke love wherever he went and in everything he wrote. Great teacher. (My favorite books are: "Living, Loving and Learning", "Loving Each Other", and "Love".)

"The time to love is Now...
The time to forgive is Now...
The time to live is Now...
What are you waiting for?" (KF)